The Price

Every time I sang You thought I love youEvery time I was smilingIt was at the liberty my voice had gifted meYou misunderstood and used my low self esteem against meOver and over and over againYou didn’t see I was madly in love with my own dimensionsThe ability to go far and further evermoreYou wronged every time as if I wanted youThere was a price to pay every time you could give me the gift of creationSo I hated and despised youOver and over and over againAnd now when I look at you, it all feels the sameI don’t want to love youAnd I never did But now my trust is gone forevermoreAll I have inside me is rage Things that were forgotten they are surfacing Every time I look at youMy freedom had a price in your eyesAll you ever wanted was put me in a cageCage that you’d decide when to set me freeNeedless to say I refusedSo you took away the gift of co-creationI remember when I couldn’t paint Then I finally couldIt felt like I was breathingI remember when I couldn’t be part of the musicI was brought to life when that drum was beatingYou see all I ever wanted was me, myself, and II didn’t want your chains around meI didn’t want your definitions of who I was set Who I have set sailed to be freeThe question who am I is dangerousYou know the answer in your veinsThen you lose itDid you know how many times I changed my hair in the last 5 yearsStarted with blue, then red, then blonde, then auburn, then dark as nightI wanted to get lost in creationPerhaps if I lost my identityWhat you did every time could be ignored And you see until now, about none of this I talkedI responded in rejections Starting conversations I knew I was going to end right from the startI wanted to reciprocate I wanted to gift the embodiment of being an object I wanted to hurt and bruise to leave permanent marks on your psycheLittle did I know, it couldn’t get anywhere close to what you did to meAnd now I don’t want to see you anymoreI turn to an introvert the second I sense elasticity One could call it defense or acting depending on where you look at it