Remembrance

Innocent feelingsUnwritten storiesRepressed emotionsConsequences of parental paradoxesI pushed myself too hard fishWhere I thought I’d be a decade agoI’m not now And I have the marks of those innocent feelingsAnd I know how repressing them has defined the woman I have becomeThat little girl was hurtingShe needed a branch to hold onShe found a whole treeUnpainted

Looking backAll I see is her fighting back You couldn’t possibly know thatWe never had that conversationI’ve changed too fastThere is a part of me That wants to go back to those diariesJust the feel the purity of how naive I once wasAnd how it was all before I met my own darkness

It’s so interesting It’s like I’m in a different body nowBut my mind still remembersHow I once felt How I could decryptHow I was being consumed by something greater than you are

When you look at itI never knew youI never let myself toMy mind thought you were something I needed to fightI’m happy you didn’t go through with itThere was nothing you could do I simply needed to drown in my own quicksand To learn how to survive

I hope that pieces of us stayed thereSome would say stuckI’d be happy to know that part of me remains alive

Looking at the different pieces of me I’ve met Silently rooting that they’ll make itIn admiration to their stories from afar Enjoying the wanderYet wondering what would have happenedIf only they knew the real me

I don’t knowMaybe there are all kinds of us Playing the odds of different possibilities

It still feels freshAs if all was yesterdayAnd this year marks a decade Since it all started

How interesting our mind isGive it the right memories And see how it changes As if it de-evolvesAs if it remembers where it once wasAnd returns to that exact same placeAs if what’s next is once again unwritten